All the Rage Wednesday: People Who Walk in a Row

This one’s dedicated to Alexandra, who reminded me how much I hate this.

So, I’m walking in Berkeley, trying to get to class with some semblance of punctuality, when I get stuck behind that impenetrable wall of pure pedestrian evil–that group that walks side by side.

These assholes.  ambro/freedigitalphotos.net
These assholes.
ambro/freedigitalphotos.net

 

Five people. Next to each other. On the narrow sidewalk. Just chattin’.

I hate them consistently–no matter where they are, where they’re going, or what they’re doing (unless they’re elderly. I’m not a monster.). I hate them because if I’m walking behind them, I get stuck going whatever inevitably slow-ass pace they can handle that afternoon and I can’t go around because they take up ALL THE SPACE.

But I hate them even more when they’re walking towards me.

Here’s the thing: I think there’s an unspoken agreement most pedestrians seem to understand. Two people walking side-by-side on the average American sidewalk is fine (I can’t speak for Europe. It’s a no-man’s-land where anything goes). Anything more than two means one of them is walking into oncoming (pedestrian) traffic.

So, when I’m out and see these imbeciles on the end of the row barrelling down the sidewalk like a fucking snow plow, making oncoming pedestrians have to shrink to the side to make way for them like they’re the fucking royal entourage, I do the one thing I do best–brace my shoulder and shove.  Continue reading

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Living With Your Best Friend: The Dos and Don’ts


The thing about best friends is that they often feel like an extension of ourselves. They love the same things, they talk the same way, and they definitely also have strong feelings against carpeting. So, sometimes moving in with a friend seems like the only logical, NAY, sane idea. Why not? You guys get along so well apart, surely the bond will only grow stronger if you live together. And while that may be true, living with a best friend can also be the fastest way to end a friendship if you’re not careful. So before you go cohabitating with your boo, check this list to make sure you’re ready to be the best housemate ever.

“What do you mean ‘kebabs are considered deadly weapons?'”

Continue reading…