T and I have reached many milestones in our lady bromance: first sleepovers, first boo-cations, first weepy 3 AM phone calls in which we morbidly and uselessly demand answers from a cruel and mysterious world (what, I’m not cynical or misanthropic – what gave you that idea?), first romantic instances of swiping bites of food from each other’s plates, and first introductions to the family (actually, this June during our fourth annual writing retreat I’m scheduled to have a real, sit-down dinner with just T and her parentals – which means her brother will be the final Everest in her immediate family tree whom I have yet to conquer. *cue music of extreme foreboding* CHARM THEM I MUST!). We have braved skinheads (T will tell you about this later), shared a cuddle under an umbrella in the rain, and have now taken to referring to ourselves in the first-person plural (“Are we hungry?”). And yet, with all the landmarks we’ve hit and the Kodak moments we’ve shared (is that a completely dated reference now?), I still have yet to do one final thing as a declaration of pure, undying love and devotion: The Boo Serenade.
It seems I’ve been planning it for years, by way of leaving Youtube links to gloriously cheesy, bromantic songs on T’s Facebook wall, or even enthusiastically announcing, “THIS IS OUR SONG!” when Marvin Gaye’s, “Let’s Get it On” finds its way onto the bar’s default jukebox playlist. But I’ve never actually done it. And so…SWEEPING DECLARATION: This summer during our retreat (hopefully not while her parents are dining with us because, man, would that be awkward), with Schofferhofer Grapefruit beer and the kick-ass rosé I purchased coursing through me as liquid courage, I plan to pull a Say Anything on T (except that movie was kind of lame, and also I’m so much cooler than John Cusack) with some combination of the following songs. Or, hell, all of them – I don’t half-ass.
Those of you brave enough, join me! It’s time your boo knew how much you love her too.
1. “Strangers in the Night” – Frank Sinatra
Hesitant, general direction eye-contact; a chance meeting; a heart-felt conversation where mutual interests are revealed, and a passion suddenly ignited. It’s basically the story of how T and I became friends all those years ago in French class because when I spat that mouthful of water in her face, there was no turning back – “ever since that night / we’ve been together / lovers at first sight / in love forever.” The similarities are so obvious, guys. Plus, when Old Blue Eyes starts crooning, you know shit just got real.
2. “You’re My Best Friend” – Queen
For some reason whenever I hear this song, I always picture some lovably idiotic video montage of me and T running towards each other in slow motion (obviously) through some field in the Midwest, jumping over corn and twigs and logs and frogs and chickens and whatever kind of shit they’ve got going on in those fields, and ending the song with a still-frame of us in a running-jump high-five in mid-air. You guys see that too, right? Cool.
3. “Wild Thing” – The Troggs
Don’t give me that look – this TOTALLY counts as a friendship song, YOU DO NOT EVEN REALIZE. Plus, as drunk as I plan to be on Schofferhofer during this epic serenade, I’m way the hell thankful there aren’t too many words.
4. “The Promise” – When In Rome
TRUE LOVE CONQUERS ALL. Even, as When In Rome proclaims, a complete inability to find the right words. Because when all else fails, you can fall back on the fool-proof charms of hyperbole and promise that you will walk barefoot across deserts, over oceans, and through woods infested with serial killers (okay, those aren’t the actual lyrics, but I was an English major, I know the implications are there) just to let your boo know that you will always be there for her. Or you can just sing. Because the ’80s spirit of this song is plenty charming enough (especially if you plan to shuffle and bob along to the beat like a poor imitation of John Travolta, which I definitely plan to do – look out, T!).
5. “Stand By Me” – Ben E. King
And now we’ve reached the pinnacle of all boo-mate songs – the motherfucking magnum opus of all serenadable bromantic tunes. There’s a reason why it’s a classic and this is it: it’s earnest. Hyperbolic, maybe – but vulnerable and truthful just the same, because there is just something in Ben E. King’s voice (and in mine too [at least the way I imagine singing it in the miserably off-key style that has become my trademark]) that lets you know he really does believe that when the sky falls down, he will be fearless as fuck because he’s got his boo next to him. Awww.
WILD CARD SONG: “My Alien” – Simple Plan
If you’re willing to get weird as fuck (and if your bestie has a special place in her soul for sci-fi, and maybe used to watch The X-Files), this is the song for you. Let your boo-mate know that her other-worldliness doesn’t phase you a single bit, and that it in fact only adds to the unique bad-assity of your lady bromance.
Till next Friday,
Turn it up to 11!
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