In my humble twenty-six years on this here planet, I can say with confidence that while I am short in stature and pretty much guaranteed to be the size of a hobbit for the rest of my life (I have made my peace with this), I am in no way short on life experience. In my life there has been love, there has been loss, and there has been many, many a sub-par burrito (fuck you, Chipotle!) before I finally landed on the one to rule them all (all hail Gordo’s!); as that old, annoying song goes, “This old heart of mine, been broke a thousand times,” and that, my friends, is what life is truly all about (anyone who tells you it’s about having some kind of higher purpose is full of shit – listen to me, I’m right!)

Heartbreak is one of those truly universal human experiences because no matter how tough you are, how many hundreds of pounds you can bench press, and how many Vodka minefields you can down, you will still end up crumpled in some dark, emo corner of your room with snot dribbling out of your nose, demanding answers from a universe who couldn’t care any less (not that I’ve done this). Which is probably why it is the most oft-explored subject music. But while heartbreak is associated most frequently with romantic love, I’m here to point out that it also applies to, say, when your boo leaves the country for a long-ass time, and you are left to your own pathetic devices on how to entertain yourself, with no one to text your incredibly lame and nerdy jokes to, and suddenly you are sort of toying with the idea of camping out like a (well-dressed and showered) hobo in front of her house as some kind of lame, ultimately unproductive protest against life until she finally makes her return (not that I’m referring to myself or anything…ahem).

And so this week, I give you songs for times of great sorrow, applicable to heartbreak of every variety, to metaphorical bruises of the heart in every size, shape, and color. (Man, that was deep.)

And T, this playlist is for you, with my love!

1. “Unbreak My Heart” – Toni Braxton

Because it’s a classic, guys! And because it’s also kind of a guilt-trip, and in those first few moments of absolutely heart-wrenching pain, it’s natural to think about making someone feel bad for it. (Don’t actually do it, though…that is not the Mature Lady’s way.)

2. “Love Hurts”  – Nazareth

Interestingly enough, when this song comes on in T’s car, it’s the one we inevitably laugh at and croon to each other ironically in true bromantic love. But when you’re hurting, this shit just isn’t all that funny anymore. Sniffle, sniffle.

3. “Love Bites” – Def Leppard

Well put, Def Leppard. Well put.

4. “The End of the World” – Skeeter Davis

Admit it: when you’re hurting and are basically just a shell of yourself, there’s nothing you hate more than happy people and the fact that the world just keeps on going without you. Because, what the fuck is that? And while Skeeter Davis isn’t exactly angry here, you know that if death metal was rocking the world then that this song would sound very, very different. (Something tells me this  might be a new project for Filter. How about it, Mr. Richard Patrick?)

5. “Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely” – The Backstreet Boys

Yes. The playlist has come to this. Heartbreak is a deep, dark pit, guys – and the Backstreet Boys is in it.

6. “Love Removal Machine” – The Cult

There’s going to come a time in your grieving process where you want to make sure you’ll never be able to experience this kind of pain again – and you will make a loud, cliched, sweeping declaration that no one around you will believe for a second to never, ever, under any circumstances, fall in love again. (Or, in my case, to never ever ever let my boo leave the country without me. Which is irrational. I know this. Totes.)

7. “Quiet” – Rachael Yamagata

Fucking beautiful.

8. “The No Seatbelt Song” – Brand New

Because in grief, you don’t want to give up on the one you love. Respect, bro. Respect.

9. “23” – Jimmy Eat World

On the same vein as the previous song, THIS is the one I imagine playing in the background as I enact some kind of overly-dramatic, classic romantic comedy running scene – my hair will be billowing all over the fucking place, I’ll have gross and unattractive sweat stains on my armpits, but I won’t give a single. gram. of. fuck because what’s most important is that I finally make it in time to do a running-jump into the arms of the one of the love, where I’ll stay once and for all. (Get ready to catch me, T! I’m running straight towards you!)

10. “Konstantine” – Something Corporate

One of my personal favorite, “cry in the fetal position” songs.

Wild Card Song: “Dude (I Totally Miss You)” – Tenacious D

For you, T. You are missed beyond belief.

 

Did I miss something? Have a suggestion for a future Mixtape Friday topic? Drop us a line, leave us a comment, or tweet @theladybromance and let me know!

Till next Friday,

Turn it up to 11!

– Jayne