All the Rage Wednesday: People Who Don’t Respect Personal Space

I live in America, damn it! The land of freedom, opportunity, and personal fucking space! So why is it that more and more often, I’ll have people quietly cozying up behind me in line, grazing all up on me, like it’s no big deal? And before you tell me, “But Tatiana, maybe they’re just sexually harrassing you,” I have to tell you: they’re usually women.

The other day I was waiting in line at a buffet for some delicious omelette (buffets are the source of my powers. Tell no one.) and some lady behind me got so close that her plate was just jutting into my arm. I cast her a look. She continued checking her phone. I contemplated nudging my elbow just the slightest amount and causing her to drop her plate. But there was no reason for the restaurant to suffer just because she was such an idiot. So I stood there wondering, “Why,  humanity?! WHY?!”

What has become of people’s awareness of space? Is everyone just an NPC with really primitive programming who only stops when they encounter a physical obstacle?

I’m used to my personal space getting all kinds of violated abroad, and being an Eastern European, I have no qualms getting real cozy when the need calls for it, but when a clearly American girl gets so close behind me that her hair mingles with my own, I wonder: WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS COUNTRY?! Damn you, globalization! Just when I thought I (and my behind) was safe…

So I dedicate the following poem to the imbeciles who like to play bumper cars in line.

I’m loving your perfume,
In  my personal space.
And is that your hair,
I sense tickling my face?

No no, please don’t move,
It’s perfectly fine.
I love getting fondled,
By strangers in line.

So come a bit closer,
I’ve got a surprise.
It’s here in my pocket,
And it goes in your eyes.

I pull out my hand,
And brandish a fist,
I hope it’ll hurt,
It’s all in the wrist.

Let’s rage together! Leave a comment telling me what pisses you off, and if it pisses me off too, I’ll write about it. There’ll be a poem and everything.

–Tatiana