The Week in Review: June 23 – 29, 2014

Tatiana is…

Ready for USA's world cup victory.
Ready for USA’s world cup victory.

Currently eating: Some homemade Russian food made of meat and potatoes that I’ve missed during my travels.

Currently reading: A collection of the best travel writing of recent years.

Currently wondering: If I have to trek Mt. Everest on a donkey to get published as a travel writer. Seriously. Is that what it’ll take? Cause I’ll tell ya now–I don’t like donkeys.

Recently watched: Fargo (the show, not the movie). I’ve developed a new appreciation for Martin Freeman beyond him being a wonderful Bilbo Baggins and an awesome Watson to Benedict Cumberbatch’s Sherlock. Mostly because of his gosh darn nice Minnesota accent.

Recently discovered: That Liam Neeson was 61 when he reinvented himself as an action star. 6-freakin-1. God help me, but that man looks good.

Recently agonized over: Why my brain doesn’t just snap back into normal operating mode and why it insists on lingering in do-nothing-vacation-mode and making me feel like a dimwit. Continue reading

It Is Imperative That I Do Nothing: Post-Writing Retreat Adjustment

As you all probably have already noticed (and hopefully are miserable about [not miserable in a depressing way because, while I have very often fantasized about bringing complete and utter demise upon my enemies by holding them captive in a facility called Dr. Jayne’s Torture Funhouse, none of you qualify as my enemy, and also I’m not that cruel and depraved {yet}]), I’ve delayed Mixtape Friday. Until next week. Because, well, because the thing with coming back from vacation – especially from two weeks of non-stop bromancery with your best boo during which the “daily grind” consists of breakfast, a walk around the neighborhood, more food, movie-watching, more food, and irrigating semi-permanent ass-prints into the living room couch – is that there’s a period of readjustment where, as a misguided form of protest against returning to reality, one can do nothing else but succumb to the overwhelming desire to do, well, nothing. And because I am nothing if not brutally (and sometimes offensively) honest, I must make it clear that I am currently in that stage.

Right now, I am watching episodes of TV shows that I have seen countless times because even the thought of thinking, makes my brain hurt. I am still in my pajamas. I am eating tacos because they take less than a half-hour to prepare, and while I would prefer ice-cream to the chocolate bar I’m eating for dessert, guess which was closer to me? Today, I am a failure at life and at writing, and I am okay with this because my bouncing back, and coming at the world full-force with a rejuvenated sense of worth and a complete manuscript of the next Great American Novel is inevitable (so is the return of my modesty, I promise). I mean, c’mon, I already did my lucky “PUBLISH ME!” dance in front of the Ominous Tree.


But all that success can only come after I have thoroughly vegged out and avoided all the responsibilities of life.

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All The Rage Wednesday: Guys Who Patronize Me

I’d like to start with a disclaimer: there are plenty of people who patronize me. Maybe I have a very patronizable face, I don’t know. However, this post is about all the misguided gentlemen (but by no means the majority) who do so for no other reason than the fact that I’m of the fairer sex.

I was at our favorite dive bar with Jayne a while back, wearing my favorite KISS sweatshirt and generally enjoying our utter dominion over the jukebox, when a couple of college students approached us to join their game of pool. After a lot of pleading, we conceded (despite the fact that we come to the bar to plot world domination and rock out, not to distract ourselves with the hobbies of mortals).

During the game, one gentleman from the group approaches me to inquire whether I actually know and listen to KISS. Ya know, cause I’m wearing a KISS sweatshirt, but it just doesn’t add up in his mind.

Presumably, his thought process went like this: KISS! But…girl. Why? WHY COME GIRL?

Oh, what? No, I don’t know one of the single biggest, most successful bands in history. No, I don’t personally think Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley are awesome dudes. I just thought these four gentlemen in painted faces were so adorable, I simply had to wear them as a fashion statement, teehee.

Aren't they just so darn tootin' cute?
Aren’t they just so darn tootin’ cute?

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The Week in Review: June 16 – 22, 2014

Jayne is…


Currently eating: Left-over pizza from the local, old-timey pizza parlor (and grumbling under her breath about how a tall glass of milk totally goes with pizza and everyone is just missing out).

Currently listening to: Metallica’s Kill ‘Em All album. (Relax, NSA. I ain’t baiting you!)

Currently wondering: How many times I’ve mentioned the NSA on this website and if my attempts to calm their tits have actually done any good.

Recently watched: Pulp Fiction for the first time in several years – and it’s every bit as good as it was when I first watched it. Quentin Tarantino, you brilliant little weirdo.

Recently discovered: That my clumsy ass is still capable of tripping over nothing and consequently falling over a chair in slow motion. I wish T had caught this moment on tape.

Recently agonized over: What the hell my next post could possibly be about. And I still have no clue in the flying rat’s blue ass. I MEAN, JUST KIDDING, I’M TOTALLY JUST TRYING TO KEEP YOU ALL IN SUSPENSE. YEAH.

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