Call of the Wild: Jayne Looks Ahead Towards Writing Retreat 2014

Here’s something that might surprise you all: T and I haven’t actually reunited yet.

Oh, to be sure, we’ve been texting each other non-stop since she landed on American soil; texts like, “What the hell kind of useless shit is that? Stupid doctors!” and, “I’m bringing ALL the clothes!” and, “I’M BRINGING A GIANT BAG OF HOT CHEETOS!” We have resumed spamming each other’s Facebook walls with songs of interest and a photo of a bandana-ed Johnny Cash eating cake in the bushes like a malnourished gnome. But our face-to-face reunion? We’re saving that glorious, “run into each other’s arms like separated lovers who have survived a great war” moment for this Friday, when we hit the road for Writing Retreat 2014.

I know – we’re so romantic.

And with three days to go before T and I “get the motor running [and] head out on the highway,” our much-anticipated reunion is just one of the many things on a long-running list of what I’m looking forward to during this year’s two weeks in The Wild. Things like:

Hour-long morning walks

Success(fully trespassed)!
Success(fully trespassed)!

During which we (not so) accidentally trespass on private property, rouse all the neighborhood dogs with our City Girl scent, and shop for our future homes where we’ll spend the blue-haired days of our retirement sitting on each other’s porch swings and scaring children away from our lawns with our pet snakes.

Breakfast on the back patio

Where we get visited by adorable stray cats who really just want to cuddle, eavesdrop on conversations, and try not to judge the hardcore gangsta rap booming from some adolescent’s (no doubt) open window.

Finally getting cowboy hats

And wearing them during the aforementioned morning walks, during dinner, and hell, even indoors, whilst writing or movie marathoning, and thus successfully ingratiating ourselves into the local scene.

Leaving Post-It notes for T in random-ass places

All of which will say relatively nonsensical – but hilarious – things which will probably prompt her to wonder who the hell she’s living with. This is the first time she’s hearing about this plan, by the way. Prepare yourself, T!


Finally. Hopefully. Does the fact that I’m serious about making stuffed bell peppers count?

Writing, writing, writing

During which we’ll be sitting across from each other in silent camaraderie, snacking on hot cheetos, hi-chews, and the occasional healthy snack like bell peppers topped with cream cheese and chives (I have recently developed a fixation with bell peppers, okay?), and raising our hands to get each other’s attention so we can ask questions like, “How fucked-up does this sound?” and getting honest feedback on our work in real-time. With writing being such a solitary profession, I think it truly says something about our friendship that we truly are more productive when we’re sitting across the table from each other than we are on our own. (D’awwww!)

And because of all this excitement, I’ll be postponing Mixtape Friday till next week in order to – drum roll, please! – give you all an inside look into our road trip! This Friday, people – your favorite boos are gonna raise hell, gonna raise hell, GONNA RAISE HELLLLLLL!

– Jayne

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