The Lady Bromance’s 2015 Resolutions

boos in paso

We here at Lady Bromance are full of dreams. Most of the time, these dreams are about chicken tenders, or T’s burning, unquenchable thirst to kill Nazis (or, in Jayne’s case, they’re truly terrifying nightmares of the “what the fuck?” variety in which she’s married to Fred Durst [which, incidentally, results in her coming up with some pretty hilarious one-liners, the best of which is, “I don’t wanna go anywhere near that limp bizkit!”]), but occasionally we rise above our need for unspeakably violent revenge (and unspeakably greasy food) and find ourselves having actual grown-up goals. We know, it surprises us too. And so, in the spirit of sharing, here are our resolutions for 2015! And, as you can see, we’ve checked off quite a few already. We’re pretty productive like that.

JAYNE

  • finish new YA novel
  • write three new short stories
  • edit three past short stories
  • watch all 9 seasons of Criminal Minds on Netflix
  • creep people out with my abnormally vast knowledge of serial killers
  • master portion control (everyone I’ve ever met in my entire life is looking at this one and laughing uncontrollably)
  • be the proud owner of Nick Cave’s entire music catalog
  • rewatch every season of Gilmore Girls and successfully get at least 90% of all pop culture references
  • read (and finish!) War and Peace
  • start my own online literary magazine (oh, it’s going to happen guys, you do not even realize)
  • play with dinosaur-shaped chicken tender at Applebee’s
  • sing “The House of the Rising Sun” in the shower and scare the pigeons away
  • solve the mystery behind Jared Leto’s hair
  • complain endlessly about the series finale of Sons of Anarchy (don’t anyone even try to tell me it was good! EVERYONE JUST HUSH UP!)
  • rewatch Band of Brothers and proudly realize that I still remember all the soldiers’ names
  • shout “CURRAHEE!!” at everyone, all the time, for no apparent reason
  • marathon Daria with T
  • and also make her watch The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (which has the longest, BUT THE COOLEST, motherfucking title EVER)
  • find new apartment
  • keep love of gnomes alive
  • befriend the living hell out of LeVar Burton
  • and then make memes out of LeVar Burton

TATIANA

  • Read like 50 books this year
  • Unleash unspeakably violent revenge (guess I didn’t rise above that after all) on the top five people on my List. Don’t be coy, I know you all have a List
  • Troll Hamas on Twitter
  • Start my new YA novel (or get past chapter one)
  • Finish Potterthon-ing with Boo
  • Yell at random pedestrians who don’t speed up when crossing the street on red
  • Hunt down Meatloaf Friday at my favorite hofbrau
  • Annoy people on Facebook with my political posts until they have no choice but to see reason
  • Introduce Jayne to Magic Meatloaf
  • Plan an entire wedding without losing my mind
  • Throw my boo a kickass birthday party
  • Watch some horribly depressing Holocaust documentaries because that’s what I do for fun
  • Start learning the ‘brew–the Hebrew, that is
  • Do my best not to get Game of Thrones spoiled for me at every fucking turn
  • Play with a submarine shaped chicken tender and pretend it’s attacking Jayne’s dinosaur shaped tender
  • Write some new short stories past just the first few sentences
  • Read The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants for… research
  • Finish reading The Idiot in Russian
  • Binge watch Gilmore Girls and text Jayne with every random thought from Jess’ hair to Rory becoming annoying in season 5 and onward (YEAH, YOU HEARD ME)
  • Tweet occasionally and pretend like I know how Twitter works
  • Befriend the living hell out of Tom Wilson
  • And pay him to reenact scenes from Back to the Future with me

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