Today, I decided to try a little experiment in positive thinking. I know, I know–this from a person who plows into people on the sidewalk and will abuse those who don’t give up their seats for the elderly. However, I had a strange desire to try being more positive and looking on the bright side so that –who knows–maybe something good will come of it.
I started by ignoring the incessant tapping of the guy in the cube near me at work. He taps his leg so often and so loudly that it typically distracts me from my work and makes me want to fantasize about pushing his cubicle wall on top of him, crushing him like a little grape, and using what’s left to make wine.
But not today! Today I took a deep breath and continued working until he eventually stopped or my brain tuned him out. Not bad.
This made me feel better about my attempt at positivity, so that I almost didn’t notice when a group of girls sat down right next to where I was reading at lunch and started loudly discussing like, where they’re from and like, how long they’ve lived in San Fran. Now, anyone who knows me can already see my eyelid twitch at the mere mention of “San Fran” (IT’S SAN FRANCSICO YOU GODDAM–nevermind). I would have loved to swat my thick book at them and yell, “Shoo! SHOO!” until they fluttered off, but I let it go, despite the fact that I was in the middle of an excellent short story and had to reread the same line over and over because their chirping was distracting.
But hey, at least it’s nice out and I’m reading this fine book on my lunch break. I could be working in a sweatshop, where I’d have no book or break. Or lunch. Yay, positivity!
I kept a smile on my face as I went about my day and came into contact with men who didn’t hold the door open for the person behind them (me) and women who gave people (ME) judgmental looks (presumably) for wearing super sharp mint-colored pants. I kept on smiling as I drove past pedestriants who walk out on red and then act surprised when they see a car coming at them (ME AGAIN). Smiles. Nothing but smiles.
And I did it! I made it all the way slightly past lunchtime before I finally gave into my scowling nature, started hunting for a chocolate (the only known substance that will calm my raging soul), and found that I was a quarter short for the Twix in the vending machine.
WHY GOD WHY?!
But one thing always makes me feel better: the absolute certainty that Jayne gets me, even at my angriest.
And that’s love.