There comes a point in every lady bromance where you both slowly come to the sinking realization that you would kind of, sort of follow this person to the ends of the damn earth and shit (even if you both just happen to get there completely by accident), packing two sandwiches each for you both along with gallons of water and three boxes of frozen corn dogs (just in case), and soundtracking the romantic moment with Death Cab for Cutie’s “I Will Follow You Into the Dark” (“Youuu and meeee, have seen everything to seeee, from Bangkok to Calgarrryyy…!”). And lemme tell ya, that is a beautiful thing.
Over the years, I’ve come to trust T with just about everything – keeping my secrets, planning my birthday, being my executioner when I become a warlord (what? did someone hear that?). I trust her with the big things and the little things, the important and the mundane. Things like:
1. Picking Out Foreign Movies For Us to Watch
As part of her plan to slowly culture my cutoff-tshirt-wearing ass, T likes to do things like give me mix CDs full of Italian, French, and Spanish music, take me to the ballet, and – as she did last weekend – take me to see foreign movies. Now, I’m the kind of girl whose refined film palette mostly enjoys violent crime dramas and war epics, but I willingly and enthusiastically go to with T to whatever foreign film she chooses because I know she has excellent taste, and honestly, I don’t mind reading subtitles (because, as my extremely good friend LeVar Burton taught me, reading rules!). And, as always, she did not fail: we enjoyed the fuck out of Wild Tales, and not just because we were texting each other in the theater before the movie (and before the previews, because we’re not rude ogres) about the truly horrifying – and kind of disgusting – attempt at flirting going on between the two people behind us.
2. Always Getting Us to Our Desired Destination
I know it might be hard to trust my opinion on this because I don’t drive (which I’m convinced is the sweetest, most beneficial kind of service I could possibly do for the welfare of mankind because I’m pretty sure I would be just as useless behind the wheel of a car as I was during the infamous mouse incident [#LivermoreNeverForget]), but I like to think I’ve been in my fair share of vehicles driven by the pretty reckless (no, of course not the band! Who do you think you’re talking to?!), so trust me when I say that T is an excellent driver. She knows which streets to avoid and when, the best, quickest, and safest routes anywhere, and which pedestrians to yell out for absentmindedly stepping out onto the street on red like mindless buffoons (I totally second her every bout of rage, by the way – it’s become one of my favorite pastimes in her car). So yesterday, when we ended up on an unfamiliar street that unexpectedly forced our asses on the freeway with no way out, and T suddenly announced with a half-amused, half-anxious laugh, “Well…we’re going to Oakland, boo!” I laughed along with her and was all in to ride that sucker out till we got back on route to dinner. And I wasn’t surprised at all when, not even half a minute after we found ourselves on the bay bridge, resigned to being Oakland-bound, she suddenly remembered the magical toll-free place known as Treasure Island and got us back on track. I knew she could do it!
3. Genuinely Supporting My Every Maladroit Idea
From us taking lady bromantic pictures on a boat despite the fact that I don’t know how to swim (which is definitely going to be part of a larger collection of photos that we’ll publish when we’re famous and call, “Boos On Things!”), to us traveling around the world and knocking on the doors of all my distant relatives in an attempt to “discover my heritage” (which is definitely going to be a future joint novel project right after we finish our current ingenious trilogy), to my desire to be the supreme leader of a free world which I will first conquer as a warlord (there’s that voice again! This place must be haunted by a vengeful ghost!), T is always ready to suggest putting me in five life jackets and a pair of those floaty wing things; she is always ready to shout, “Yes! And…!” A true partner in crime, through and through!
See, I trust T because I know without a single iota of a doubt that she’s not the kind of friend who would back out on a promise, or who wouldn’t be there after saying she’d be there, or who’d convince me of the merits of setting a locker on fire at school then sprint away like a terrified gazelle once the bell rings just as the deed is done and leave me to take the fall (not that this happened, like, at all). That’s right, guys – I can finally say that after years of terrible betrayal at the hands of girl friend after girl friend, I have found….the one boo to rule them all. (D’awww!)